Bye Bye Guilt
This post was inspired by an interview I read years ago, which I will get into a little later. I would like to discuss with all of you about something that I would like to say we all deal with daily, whether we're talking about self-care, building that business or dream we just can't find the "time" to work on. GUILT! It can be very easy to put ourselves last because I need to check up on someone, someone wants me to pick something up for them (drop it off) or just don’t want to neglect something that needs to be done.
Well that needs to STOP right now! You are neglecting yourself by doing things for others instead of yourself. You are more important than those other tasks. Start treating yourself and your goals as such.
A few years ago I read an interview done with Will and Jada Smith in a magazine (that I cannot think of their name uggh!). Till this day, there was one question that still resonates with me. They were both asked something to the effect of who comes first in their life. Jada’s response was something to the effect of “the kids, my husband then myself.” Will’s response was the complete opposite “myself, my wife then my kids.” Jada went on to say “I never understand that.” Will’s response to her statement was jaw dropping, which was something to the effect of:
“I have to make sure I’m good to be good for my wife. I have to make sure we’re good to be good for our kids.”
In that instant the way men think vs. the way we as women think made sense! This was about 8 years ago, maybe more. I was an undergrad and I was focused on meeting school related deadlines, prioritizing my boyfriend, taking care of a nephew and juggling dance practice. Out of everything I was doing the only thing I loved was dancing but even that was becoming difficult to schedule in with school, work and my other “obligations” and it was only three times a week.
You have to take care of yourself in order for you to be of service to everyone else. You might feel guilty about not taking a 20 minute break to write or read while you can use that time to wash dishes before picking up the kids. But how guilty would you feel for screaming at someone (who definitely doesn't deserve it) because you’re mad about something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. We are conditioned to do for others and to put others needs before ours. Men are not.
WE can change the game with these five simple steps.
1. Remember that self-care list I gave you? Start with that. It's so important for not only you and your mental health but those around you.
2. You are a priority remember that. Give yourself permission to take care of you. Sometimes we see it as selfish to put ourselves first. You can't poor out of an empty cup.
3. It's going to be hard at first, just like anything else you pick up (like working out or learning how to do something new). If you fall off, don't be too hard on yourself. However you have to keep on trying until it becomes a routine.
4. The power is always in you to make a change. You just have to start. No matter how much is going on, guess what? That's even more reason for you make a change. That's the only way you'll feel better.
5. Men do not think twice about going to play ball after work while you're home with the baby after you've had a long day at work too. Take advantage of the time you have even if you have to wake up a little early, get to work a little earlier or stay up a little late. Come on sis, you deserve it and you know it.
Taught ourselves and our daughters that it’s important to complete activities for ourselves at least once day?
What will you do today to work on your goals? Let me know in the comments.